Race, Culture, and the Internal Struggle (1603)

    The aspect of my identity that I feel is the most salient is my Chicano heritage. Though I may accomplish a multitude of things in my life, the most prominently displayed aspect of myself will forever be my ethnicity. I feel thatthis is a mostly positive thing, because without the culture I was brought up in, I would certainly not be the same person I am now. It is my heritage that I believe has inculcated morals and a conscience within me. I don’t think I would be the person I am now had I grown up in a different environment. And yet, I fully agree with the claim Ian Haney Lopez makes in “The Social Construction of Race” where he emphasizes that race is constructed societally and not simply a part of your genetic make up. I also agree with the mestiza consciousness that Anzaldúa presents in “Towards a New Consciousness.” I feel that we as intelligent beings can volitionally and consciously decide what our race is, but at the same time the juxtaposition of two or more very distinct and diverse cultures can be overpowering, intimidating, and often times very confusing. We can choose what ‘race’ we wish to be and yet this choice can leave us with internal turmoil about anything and everything. My ‘race’ is usually the first thing that identifies me, yet that is far too simplified. I am not just one race but a mixture of the American and Mexican cultures. My hybridity of these two very prominent cultures causes an internal conflict; On one hand, I can mold and shape my racial and cultural identity to be whatever I would like, but on the other hand, the dismissal of certain aspects are bound to cause internal strife and an eventual collision of ideals.

    Race is often seen as something that is set in stone. You are a certain race because of A, B, and C but are not another race because of X, Y, and Z. But something as complex as race could never be so uncomplicatedly straightforward. Something like race, that can very easily define who we are and what we do, could never be so free of the complications that so often accompany our actions. There are hidden layers to this amorphous idea that can make it so that something is A, X, Z and B. Lopez states that race is something malleable rather than unyielding in “The Social Construction of Race” when he writes “… race reveals itself as plastic, inconsistent, and to some extent volitional” (Lopez, 194). He is showing that one’s race can be changed a small bit or a monumental amount. Race is a variable highly dependent on the individual. Lopez again states this a few pages later when he writes “Racial fabrication continuously melts down, molds, shatters, and recasts races: races are not rocks, they are plastics” (Lopez, 199). The point being, I can shape who I am, and this includes our race. Whatever aspects of both cultures I am comprised of that I like I can keep, adopt, advance; what I dislike I can modify, or even get rid of. I for example, consider myself to be Agnostic. When I told my family this, they did not understand why I would be dissatisfied with the religion I had been brought up in, but I did not feel connected to any religion. I felt that even though my culture has traditionally practiced the Catholic religion, I needed to move away from that. I molded my religious identity to fit my beliefs. The point being that I was able to shift my religious ideals much more easily because of the American influence within me. I, as an American, take pride in things like freedom of speech and freedom of religion. My Mexican side, however, was struggling to understand how it was that I didn’t believe in what my parents had raised me to believe. Where one side of me valued family influence, the side that practically screamed at me to be my own person, to display that self independence proudly won out on that argument. This is one of the reasons I believe my race can and is socially constructed.

     On the other hand, because there is a vast array of socially constructive aspects at our disposal one can become overwhelmed with the possibilities. Anzaldúa mentioned the possibility of a confusion brought about by the collision of cultures and the creations of such new possibilities when she wrote “The ambivalence from the clash of voices results in mental and emotional states of perplexity. Internal strife results in insecurity and indecisiveness” (Anzaldúa, 78). Chicanos grow up surrounded by two completely different cultures. We grow up with the very misogynistic family oriented style on the Mexican side of our cultural identity, and on the American side we have an independent, “equality” based side. Because of the severe differences in the cultures people like myself are forced to attempt to balance, a clash is inevitable, and because of this clash we can be insecure and indecisive. I frequently feel as though I am being internally torn apart. I have the Mexican culture coming from home which directly conflicts with the American culture that surrounds me each and every day. “Within us and within la cultura chicana, commonly held beliefs of the white culture attack commonly held beliefs of the Mexican culture... Subconsciously, we see an attack on ourselves and our beliefs as a threat and we attempt to block with a counterstance” (Anzaldúa, 78). I bear witness to the war within that I am forced to battle every single day. What is acceptable by the standards of one aspect of my culture is not the norm in the other. The issue of abortion is an excellent example of this. In the Mexican culture abortion is wrong no matter what. It is seen as a direct sin against God, something unforgivable in such a religion oriented culture. But in the American culture, it is more widely accepted to be pro choice. Because of stark differences like these, striking a balance between both is impossible. It is at this point that I am obligated to take bits and pieces of both cultures and mold it into something that is uniquely mine. But in order to get to this point, I must choose between cultures. Subconsciously in our minds, one culture will always be better than another, if only just. I feel that I identify more with the American aspect of my identity. It’s not by much, but I do feel as if I can identify more with the American than the Mexican. And yet I know I will never truly belong to either side of this binary. The paradox is that I am both too Mexican to be American, and too American to be Mexican.  It could be seen as getting the best of both worlds, but I feel as though I as a Chicano am ultimately putting one aspect of myself above another, all the while knowing I will never truly belong to either one. I am forced to take up the liminal space between the Mexican and American cultures and adhere to it as best I can.

    “Pero es difícil differentiating between lo heredado, lo adquirido, lo impuesto” (Anzaldúa, 82).  It truly is a challenge to dissect the make up of a Chicano.  When I choose what specific parts of my cultures will contribute to my own personalized culture, it is usually done subconsciously. In the back of my minds, I feel as if it is instantaneously decided if specific traits that make up my race will be implemented or discarded. It can get to the point where some things are so fully integrated with others that they becomes almost indistinguishable. Because of the fact that I must create my own race, I am ostracized from this society. I will never really belong, I will never be fully assimilated. It is as if I am simply a visitor to both of my races, much like being a resident of a country rather than a citizen. A resident of the United States, for example is able to live and enjoy the most basic freedoms available, but they are not able to do things like vote and other such privileges that are reserved for citizens specifically. I have been exposed to American culture long enough to understand how it works, but I am simply a resident. I do not have the same “rights” that citizens do. I cannot shape the dominant American culture, I can only choose what parts of it I wish to integrate with my Mexican culture to create my individual meaning of Chicano.

    Through all the internal struggles I wage against myself, I must always remember that “race mediates every aspect of our lives” (Lopez, 192). I must also keep in mind that I am the creator of that race. I am the one that chooses what parts of my dual culture I integrate into who I am, but this selection is likely to cause a jumble of emotions within that lead to the thin line that I as a Chicano have to walk. It’s comforting to know that ultimately, I am the one who chooses who I am, but at the same time it can be frightening to know that there is an inevitable collision of emotions, morals, and ideas that can occur at any time. All I can do is try to balance out the aspects of my culture that make me, me.

Works Cited

Anzaldua, Gloria. "La Conciencia De La Mestiza/Towards a New Consciousness." Borderlands = La Frontera: the New Mestiza. San Francisco: Spinsters, Aunt Lute, 1987. Print.

Haney Lopez, Ian F. "The Social Construction of Race." Critical Race Theory: the Cutting Edge. By Richard Delgado. Philadelphia: Temple UP, 2000. Print.

Gabriela Marquez

December 6, 2010

Professor Ron Buckmire

CSP 19: Gay Rights in the Era of Obama and Google